bumperstickers voor bejaarden/ bumper stickers for the elderly

ABOUT THE ENGLISH WEATHER

The Archbishop of Canterbury and the RCPC (Royal Commission for Political Correctness) announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as 'English Weather'.

Rather than offend a sizeable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as 'Muslim Weather' (‘Partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite…’).

"What is your secret?"

A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the old lady pictured above:,


She was sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up

to her and said, “I couldn't help but notice how happy you look!

What is your secret?”

“I smoke ten cigars a day,” she said. “Before I go to bed, I smoke a

nice big joint.

Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of whisky every week,

and I eat only junk food.

On weekends, I pop pills, have sex, and I don't exercise at all.

“That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?”

“Forty,” she replied

I CAN, I CAN'T

‘I CAN, I CAN’T…’



He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forward, then backward, forward, then backward again...

Movements going back and forth, back and forth, in and out, in and out…

Her heart was pounding, her face was flushed… Then she moaned, softly at first then she began to groan louder…

Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted, "OK, OK! I can’t park the fucking car! You do it, you smug bastard!"

Annoying neigbours

 

ANNOYING NEIGHBOURS

There is this huge house in our street.

The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of irritable dogs allowed to run without leads.

Her car isn't taxed or insured and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still don’t do anything.

To the best of my knowledge, she has never worked a day in her life and her bad-tempered husband is notorious for his racist comments.

A shopkeeper blamed him for arranging the murder of his son's ex-wife and her boyfriend, but nothing has ever been proved.

All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone believes to be gay.

Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army, but are always out partying in nightclubs.

The youngest one is really out of control.

No one is absolutely sure they have the same father…

God, I hate living near Buckingham Palace!

Do elephants remember?

In 1972, Joe Miller was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Tulsa Junior College.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Joe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Joe worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to Joe, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Joe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Joe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Thirty years later, Joe was walking through the Tulsa Zoo with his family. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Joe and his family were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Joe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times, then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at Joe.

Remembering the encounter in 1972, Joe could not help wondering if this was the same elephant...

Joe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.

He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Joe's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

So, it probably wasn't the same elephant...



This is for everyone who sends those heart-warming bullshit stories.

Computer question

For all of you who keep thinking you  are computer  experts...

 

     
Try this!
So, you  think you're so smart.  Let's see how computer literate you are...     

WHAT  WOULD CAUSE THIS TO APPEAR ON YOUR COMPUTER  SCREEN?                    123490=qweriop[  asdhjkl  (zxcvnm
GIVE  UP?
             SEE THE ANSWER  BELOW!